Tales of Woe and Tales of Joy

Just got an e-mail from the underwriter -- the loan has been APPROVED ...with eight conditions.

YAY, and *sigh*  Soon though, very soon!

That's great......I hope!!  Can't wait for this to all be over for you and you will be in your new home!!

Hey Genki - The buying part is so super stressful.  The moving part is so super stressful.  The first night in your own home - that is pure bliss.  Hang in there!  You'll be there before you know it!   

Congrats Genki on your home purchase !!!!!  How exciting      I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post.  I'm seeking advice (something I rarely do) lol.  In brief, my sister and her husband needed to travel overseas for work for 6 months.  I have been the guardian? watcher? babysitter? of their 16 year old daughter.  I do not have kids of my own.  She is a sweet, smart, well adjusted child.  Well until 3 weeks ago when her boyfriend broke up with her.  If anyone has raised teenage daughters, I am desperately seeking advice.  She's become withdrawn, tearful, cranky, obnoxious, etc.  I'm not quite sure if I should give her more attention?  Leave her to sort things in her own mind?  I think it's harder in the dating age now due to social media such as facebook, instagram, etc.  She keeps looking at his stuff and I suggested she may want to either block him or stay off those sites for now.  I'm at wits end !!!!!  I just want to make sure I'm doing something that helps, not make matters worse.      Any advice at all would be soooo much appreciated.  And yes, I do remember my teenage years, but I was very different than her.  ))   Thanks y'all and I hope everyone has a great day !!!

Sure, Tesa!  This thread can be for *anyone's* tales of woe and/or joy!

... but I'm not going to be any help in this department.  My girls are 17 and 20, but my youngest is non-verbal and profoundly autistic, and while my eldest is high-functioning, she's also functioning at about the 12-year-old level emotionally.

Hopefully one of the other parents will have some good advice for you!

Dear Tesa - I'd try to talk to her.  But not in a casual way - in an "You are REALLY important to me, niece, and we need to talk about what happened in your life and your behavior as a result of that."  (Don't sound mean like that sentence, of course!!!)

The social media makes it a LOT worse ... especially if the boyfriend got a new girlfriend already.  Some parents I know ban the sites if their kids' behavior isn't good.  That seems overly harsh in this situation, since she's probably acting out because her emotions are all out-of-control ... but blocking the boy is fantastic advice.  She really, really should do that immediately.

Probably, you should gently and kindly discuss how her behavior is less-than-ideal, but that's out of my league - ***I'm not a parent, but a godmother and a person who deals with college freshmen a lot.***  

best wishes!

Hi Tesa, so sorry to hear about your niece's sadness. We all know breakups are a fairly common part of growing up but of course that doesn't make it easier.

I have a 23yo daughter who's been through this a few times. Each case is unique and each person is too, but my advice to you is first and foremost to reach out and try to talk with her as much as you can. Open lines of communication are a must and try to spend more time with her if you can (take her out to dinner or shopping, etc). You can be understanding about the moody, sulky behavior but try not to allow obnoxiousness if you can. 

It's extremely difficult to completely ban FB and other social media since she can access it from anywhere. But you can and should let her know that checking the ex's page is NOT a good or healthy idea.  

Good luck, and hope the hurt passes quickly for her.

Renaissance Mom said that soooooooo much better than I did.  I must be cranky today.  Sorry!

Thank you all soooo very much.  I am lost in this department.  My personality is totally different than hers.  I was always, well there's the door if you want to leave .. type of person.  I also did not have as much access to social media when I was 16.  I believe I had Myspace and AOL messenger   I will speak to her again about how hurtful social media can be.  (I personally dislike it highly).  I have tried distraction, such as going shopping, etc., but she doesn't want to leave the house.  I think this is hitting her especially hard since this was her first boyfriend and they've been together 1 1/2 years.  I see from your comments that I need to find a balance here.  Not overwhelm her with sympathy, but offer support.  I think I was offering too much help, because after I sat and thought about it today, I realize I feel totally helpless.  There is not a thing I can do to fix this.  I can be there though as I have.  I believe I will back off a bit but let her know I'm there.  I can't thank you all enough for your help.  I'm 25 and have no friends with 16 year olds   So this is very very new to me.  Thanks again !!!

The closing of the house keeps getting delayed, and keeps getting delayed.  This process has been incredibly stressful, as the loan officer and underwriter keep asking for more and more information, and giving more and more requirements before they'll send the paperwork on to the NEXT underwriter -- the one at USDA.

The loan officer tells me that buying a house isn't always this hard.  For one thing, we're working without a real estate agent, who would normally be doing a lot of the organizing, and secondly, the USDA Rural Housing loans require twice the work!     

On the plus side, the USDA loan is an incredibly good product.  The people who currently own the home paid $11,000 less for it than we are, but their payment is $130 MORE per month than we'll be paying!   AWESOME! Now, if the darned deal would just close already!

We're looking at Monday or Tuesday before the bank underwriter sends it on to USDA, and once THEY have it, it will be 10-13 business days before we can look at closing, making it towards the end of July before we can move! 

Meanwhile, the landlord -- now that they've forced us out -- has decided that they regret asking us to leave because they don't have the energy to sell the house this year, after all.  We'd have had to move anyway, since they've just upped the rent by $140 a month, so it's kind of a moot point.

Somedaaay, over the rainboooow~   

One way or another, we're starting the group play of Memoria on the 15th!  I'm tired of putting it off!

Oh Genki, I hope things go smoothly.  It is very stressful.  Been there done that, but not with the added stress you are going through of more and more documents.  I wish y'all the best !!!!   

Just friggin' shoot me.  I so damned tired =_=  We've been delayed AGAIN, and I don't know how long it's going to take me to get this straightened out

EDIT 45 minutes later:

I had a talk with my husband this afternoon, telling him that I've been having second thoughts about the place because we've been having soooo much trouble.  I love the place, and I want do be there, but I wondered if we're doing the right thing!

He then told me what happened today whilst I was at work.  Youngest (our non-verbal autistic) was having a bad day, so hubby took the girls for a ride (will usually calm her down.)  He decided to drive them by the house-to-be, and the moment he turned on to the street, she got so excited that she started flapping her arms and hooting.

Ohhh, you have no idea how much better that made me feel!  It's like God's saying, "Yes, you are doing the right thing, this is where you're meant to be... just hang in there!"  Such a weight off our shoulders!  

Honey then needed to go out to mail a letter, which he'd forgotten to do whilst they'd been out.  While he was gone I searched for the paperwork the loan people need, and organized some things.  When he got home I found out that, though he did need to mail a letter, the post office has been a farce!   What he had really gone out to do is...

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Go to Dairy Queen and get me a banana split! 


Bless him!  I haven't had one in a long time, and you know, it really did help my stress level!  I ate the whoooole thing, and I feel much better now!

I know it seems like a never-ending nightmare process, but once you've actually bought the house things will get better.  Hang in there! 

Your hubby is a keeper.  Bless him.

 

Yes, hang in there.  I loved your story Genki    And I agree, your hubbie is a keeper.  !!!!

I'm going crazy, I'm going crazy! *hair-pulling, fingernail-biting nervousness*

I e-mailed our loan officer to ask if there's been any progress, and got this as a response:

As a matter of fact, moments ago we received word you’ve been approved.  A client walked over to my desk delaying my phone call to you.  There’s a form we need you both to sign.  I’ll email it to you momentarily.

That was 20 minutes ago!  I won't believe that this is actually happening until I see something that says, "You're getting the house no matter what!!"

C'mon, email!!

EDIT 3 minutes later:  It's here, it's here... *goes to read*
EDIT #2:  Looks like it just means that our loan is ready to send on to USDA, but I've been told that getting past the bank was the hardest part, and USDA wouldn't be as bad.

The file has (finally!) been sent on to USDA (Rural Housing Loan,) and the turnaround time is...

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25 business days!   That means we're looking at closing on August 21st (at the latest, I hope!)

I'm trying to figure out, now, how much it's going to cost us to keep our 4% interest rate, which was only locked in until August 1st.

Sorry this is causing you so much stress Genki    

Since the delay is beyond your control, could you ask them to keep the 4% interest rate?   

Pfft.  This is the banking business we're talking about here.  All they care about is making money, and I don't think there's any way to negotiate with them on it. 

I'd still ask the bank to extend the locked rate.  Or check to see if it's lower ... and get a new lock ASAP.

EDIT:  Today's rates are 3.5% for 15 year fixed, and 4.025% for 30 year fixed.  I didn't search for a 20 year rate ... but the 15 year fixeds were as low as 3.125%.  You may be better off locking a new rate now ... you could come in UNDER 4%

I've sent an e-mail to our loan officer to let me know what we can do.  My understanding is that we can extend the 4% interest rate, but it will cost us... I just don't know how much, yet

EDIT: 

The rates have actually gone up a bit – so we do indeed want to maintain the great rate we’ve secured.  The cost to extend that great rate is 0.125% of the loan amount for every 7 days – or $186.15 for each 7 days we need.

So we're looking at up to $558.45, based upon an August 21st closing date.   It's much better than paying a higher interest rate, but I'm praying that the house closes MUCH earlier than they're anticipating!

Congrats Genki !!!!!  I can imagine the stress you have been under.  Hopefully the rest goes smoothly.     

We've made an agreement with the owner, and will be moving in next weekend (and paying rent) through the proposed closing date.  Garage sale this weekend, moving the next... Life is hectic!

But you'll soon be in your new house.  Excellent to hear.   

oh Genki, closer & closer... you'll be in & settled soon, yay   !!  Thanks for keeping us up to speed on everything here while your brains must be rattling sometimes from all the stuff happening in RL.  You're amazing, & so deserving of the good things coming  

I am exhaused; completely drained.  I was tired at 11:45 this morning, and we just kept plugging along until 6.  What to do, we have no choice!  This stuff MUST be done, and I feel guilty just sitting here taking a break!  

I got "robbed" by a little old lady that lives half a block away, who bought a glass-top dining table and SIX rattan chairs for $70!   Highway robbery, BUT, we need the money, and it means we don't have to move it to the new place (where we wouldn't have had room for it, anyway!)  We even delivered it for her!

More of the same for tomorrow, and of course next weekend.  Maybe then we can actually rest a little bit!