Not Always (Blank) Websites

Sometimes I just need to chill out and read cute stories or see fun pictures.  These are some of my favorites to visit:

Not Always Right (funny and stupid customer stories
Not Always Romantic (funny and unusual stories about love/romance)
Not Always Related (funny family-related stories)
Not Always Working (Bad customer service, bosses, and co-workers)
Not Always Learning (funny & interesting student, Teacher, Parent, and Staff school stories)
Not Always Friendly (Funny & Unusual Friend & Stranger Stories)

At these sites, you'll find things like this:

Hair Apparent, Frustratingly Senescent
Salem, OR, USA | Golden Years, Immaturity

(I’m sitting outside, relaxing in the sun with my youngest daughter, when my sweet husband comes out the front door to talk to me. He looks down at us and pauses before going back inside.)

Husband: “You know honey, the way you’re sitting there with the sun shining on your hair, I just realized…”

(I smile at him affectionately, anticipating the compliment he is about to pay me.)

Husband: “You’re getting really gray-headed, old woman!”


(I'm reprinting this with my own permission - it was MY lovely husband who said this to me )

Sometimes I just want to zone out on pictures with captions, so I head over to LOL Cats:
http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Or maybe people doing amazing/stupid/fun things in gifs (animated and on a loop):
Senor Gif:
http://senorgif.memebase.com/

These sites are really great - I highly recommend them!

I HAVE to do ICHC LOLCats EVERY day! Ok, maybe not every day - but when I finally break out the computer I always go out and then go through pages and pages to catch up.

There's a fantastic story at NotAlwaysRight today, you have to see this:

He Got Served While Getting Served
Supermarket | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top
(
A customer is debating the price of items with me. I have told him several times they are not on sale. This has taken almost ten minutes, and the people behind him are starting to look very annoyed.)

Me: “Sir, I assure you those items are not on sale.”

Customer #1: “You b****! They are too! You’re just trying to rob me! Where the h*** is your manager?”

Me: “I am the manager on duty. ”

Customer #1: *grabs my shirt collar* “That’s bulls***! Women can’t run stores. You’re too dumb! Especially your age!”

(At that moment, another customer, Customer #2, intervenes. Note that Customer #2 is a petite lady in her late twenties, about as old as me. She stands on her toes, grabs Customer #1′s shoulder, and yanks him around. Then, she slaps him across the face.)

Customer #1: *stunned* “Wh-wha? Who the h*** do you think you are?”

Customer #2: “You work at [very successful local legal firm], right?”

Customer #1: *nods*

Customer #2: “Well, I own [very successful local legal firm], and you don’t work there anymore.”

(Customer #1 finally recognizes Customer #2 and gets a horrified look of realization on his face. He sprints out of the store, leaving his groceries on the counter.)

So glad I saw this thread, genki. I had been watching LOLcats on TV and kept forgetting to look them up on the computer. So glad you did the heavy lifting for me, lol.

And I loved "He Got Served."

Oh my gosh... this may be one of the best stories I've ever read on Not Always Right:

Suited To The Role

http://notalwaysright.com/suited-to-the-role/27333

If you've got a minute, run over and give it a thumbs-up. It surely deserves it!

This is so great!

Needs To Press Paws <--click or use this link: http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-press-paws/29017

It got an immediate thumbs-up from my whole family! I hate that there are such nasty people in this world, but I love it when they get what they deserve.

I love stories like this so much!

A Comic Book Romance, Part 2

Bookstore | Germany | Flirting/How We Met

(I am a regular in my favorite store for comics, books and board-games. The owner is a big fan of one of the big labels, while I prefer the other. We’re talking about new comics, when a young woman enters the store. She starts talking to the owner.)

Young Woman: “Hey, I would like to start with [my preferred label] comics; could you help me?”

Owner: “Sure, no problem.”

(The owner turns to me.)

Owner: “Hey, you know [label] comics better. Would you help?”

(The three of us begin to talk about the comics. An overdressed girl enters, and overhears me talking about my favorite series.)

Overdressed Girl: “Are you f****** stupid? Those stories are s***, and they’re for little children. Read [other label of comics which is written mainly for children]; they are for cool people.”

Owner: “Stop talking like this, or I’ll kick you out.”

Young Woman: “I… I don’t know what I should read.”

Overdressed Girl: “A girl? Girls don’t read comics. Not even if they are as fat and ugly as you are.”

(The girl is not fat; she seems to be fighting her tears.)

Owner: “Shut up and leave. NOW!”

Overdressed Girl: “I’m the hottest person in here! You can’t make me leave! I’m the hottest in here, and all boys want me!”

(I turn to the young woman who is by now almost crying.)

Me: “Hey, you know she’s wrong. You’re much prettier then her! Uhm… do you… want to go out sometime?”

(The overdressed girl storms out. The young woman looks at me like I’m crazy. The owner is laughing hard.)

Owner: “Nice one!”

Young Woman: “T… thanks.”

Me: “Yeah… so, what about that date?”

(We started dating soon after, and are now engaged!)

I just love this one from NotAlwaysWorking:
http://notalwaysworking.com/one-good-deed-job-leads-to-another/30231

One Good Deed Job-Leads To Another
Pharmacy | Sydney, Australia | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Money


(I am working late at night in a 24-hour pharmacy. There are only three customers in the store: a scruffy but clean young couple and another gentleman. The woman in the young couple is very heavily pregnant, and her partner is picking up the range of baby hats we carry and holding them up against her stomach, then looking at the prices and sadly putting them back. They pick up a packet of the cheapest pain medication we carry and bring it to the counter.)

Female Customer: “I’m sorry, but can you please ask the pharmacist if these are safe for me to take?”

Me: “Of course!”

(While we’re waiting for the pharmacist to come out, they tell me they’re expecting their daughter any day now. The pharmacist has been watching the young couple since they came in.)

Pharmacist: “These are fine, but can I ask why you need them?”

Female Customer: “Oh, I have a horrible cough that’s making my back ache even worse. I can’t get to sleep.”

(The pharmacist goes through a list of cough medicines safe for her to take, before the young man shakes his head with tears in his eyes.)

Male Customer: “I’m sorry, I’ve just lost my job and we really can’t afford any of those. Sorry for wasting your time.”

Pharmacist: “That’s okay, but this packet is damaged, and legally I can’t let you take it. Seeing as it was the last one, let me and [my name] go look in the back for some more.”

(The pharmacist takes me out the back, where he puts three packets of name brand painkillers, four bottles of name brand cough syrup, a wheat bag for her back, a tin of formula, a packet of newborn nappies and a few of the hats the couple was looking at into a box. He hands me the box and tells me to take it out to them. I do and they both burst into tears, thanking us over and over again. They leave with huge smiles on their faces.)

Female Customer: “Thank you again!”

Other Customer: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but over hear. Did you say you just lost your job at [local company]?”

Male Customer: “Yes, I was an IT tech.”

Other Customer: “I own [other computer store in the area], and I’m looking for a new tech. Can you start tomorrow?”

(There were tears all round that night. A week later, the young woman brought in her beautiful daughter and a giant batch of cupcakes for the pharmacy staff. Best night at work ever!)

A couple of really good ones at http://notalwaysromantic.com today.

I Loved You Before I Met You
Coffee Shop | Darlington, England, UK | Flirting/How We Met, Themed Giveaway

(I’m in line in a coffee shop. The barista is a petite young girl, with very noticeable burn scars all over one side of her face. I’m standing right behind the current customer, waiting for him to finish ordering.)

Customer: *upon seeing the scars* “Holy f***! What the f*** is wrong with you?”

Barista: “It’s… it’s a long story.”

Customer: “I want someone else to make my f****** coffee! You shouldn’t even be allowed in public!”

(The customer goes on like this for a good twenty seconds, while the poor girl is visibly shaken and close to tears. I tap him on the shoulder and speak up.)

Me: “I’d suggest you kindly f*** off, mate, before I break you in half.”

Customer: “Now just who the f*** do you think you are?”

(He turns around and evidently forgets how to talk for a moment, after he sees me towering over him. I spend most of my days carrying heavy stuff, and look the part.)

Barista: “He’s my boyfriend. And he doesn’t like it when people treat me like that.”

Me: “D*** right I don’t. You know, mate, every scar is a story. And if you don’t get out of here this instant, you’ll have a few more to tell.”

(The customer practically sprints out of the shop.)

Barista: “Thank you so much.”

Me: “I’m your ‘boyfriend?’ Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

(There really was a rather interesting story about her scars. We got engaged last month.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

True Love Has No Hidden A-Genders
Restaurant | AZ, USA | Fights/Breakups, Flirting/How We Met, LGBTQ, Themed Giveaway

(My friend and I stop in for hamburgers and fries. My friend is extremely tall, and in the process of getting the last of her gender reassignment surgeries. I have very short hair, don’t wear make-up, and look like I am 17 despite being old enough to drink. We are often mistaken for a gay couple. We get our food, and sit down when two college-age boys come in. They sit next to us and start trying to talk to me.)

College Boy #1: “Hey, excuse me.”

College Boy #2: “You should come over here and sit with me.”

Me: “Why would I do that?”

College Boy #1: “I could show you a good time.”

My Friend: “I think you should turn back around.”

College Boy #2: “You aren’t fooling anyone. You’re one ugly woman; I hope you didn’t pay to get boobs. It would be a waste of money.”

Me: “It is none of your f****** business.”

(I turn to my friend, who is near tears.)

Me: “C’mon, we can eat in the car. I don’t want to listen to him a second longer.”

College Boy #2: “I can show you a good time.”

Me: “Sorry. I am not interested.”

College Boy #1: “Is that thing your boyfriend?”

College Boy #2: “F****** pansy queers. I hate f***. You should all die.”

Me: “First of all, [friend] is a woman. Second, stop acting like your lack of penis is our problem. Third, we are leaving.”

(College Boy #1 stands up. He throws his soda at me, but misses, splashing the people right behind me. One of the men, a tall, well-built customer stands up.)

Customer: “You need to leave now.”

College Boy #1: “Man, I am so sorry. This freak threw the soda and—”

College Boy #2: “I’m out of here, man.”

College Boy #1: “I really am sorry, man. You understand? Right? This girl just asked for it.”

Customer: “You would never notice, but I used to be a woman. Are you going to call me a freak?”

College Boy #1: “Ha, ha, funny joke, man.”

Customer: “Get out of here before I kick your a**. We will see how big you feel then.”

(College Boy #1 rushes out.)

Customer: “I am sorry that happened to you. Stay strong. For the record, you guys are a very cute couple.”

My Friend: *crying* “Thank you for saying all that.”

Customer: “I know what it was like to be picked on for who I was. I didn’t lie; I used to be a woman. It took me ten years to finally have the courage and funds to tell anyone. I am proud of myself for having the courage to do that. No one should make you feel ashamed for being who you are.”

(The man sits back down. As we leave, he asks for my friend’s number. They have been dating ever since.)

Mahaha~

from notalwaysrelated.com

Verbal Diarrhea
Home | Staten Island, NY, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters
(My two sons, aged six and eight are playing video games. I hear my six year old say the ‘S’ word out loud.)

Me: “That’s a bad word! If you guys use that word again, you’ll be grounded!”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “[Six-year-old] is so stupid; that’s why he’s always in trouble. You can’t ground me, mom. I would’ve yelled ‘poop.’” ‘Oh feces!’ ‘Defecation!’ ‘Fecal matter!’ ‘Oh excrement!’ Or ‘explosive diarrhea!’”

Me: “Oh, you’d be grounded the same! Where did you learn all those words?”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “Oh, my vocabulary? It’s from the electronic dictionary you bought me.”

Six-Year-Old Son: “Mom, you should really ground yourself.”

Love it!   This one's from Not Always Romantic

Blooming In Adversity
Bus Stop | Virginia Beach, VA, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Themed Giveaway, Young Love

(It is the first day of fourth grade for me. I’m not in the best of moods, because I’m not a very social kid, and not looking forward to being forced into socializing for school. When I get to the bus stop, there is a new, cute boy animatedly talking to his brother. He stops, and looks at me up and down.)

Me: “What are you looking at?!”

Boy: “You, apparently.”

Me: “Well, don’t! It’s not my fault your mom let you out of the house looking like that.”
(He glares at me, and chases me up and down the bus stop before tackling me in a bush. He then stands up, dusts himself off, extends his hand to help me up, plucks a leaf out of my hair, and gives me a lopsided smile before extending his hand again to take mine and shake it.)

Boy: “Hi, I’m [name]! I just moved here!”

Me: *stunned*

Boy: “You got a name or what?”

Me: “Of course I do! My name is [name], and what weirdo doesn’t have a name?!”

Boy: “I don’t know; you tell me!”

(We’ve been joint at the hip ever since. His parents called it from the start, and despite taking years of trying people who didn’t quite fit us the way we fit each other, we got together. It’s probably the best decision I have ever made!)

from Not Always Romantic

Starved Of Soliloquys
Text/Chat/Email | MI, USA | Engaged

(I am at home, texting my fiancé at work.)

Me: “I’m hungry… and lazy.”

Fiancé: “Then wait until I get home.”

Me: “Nooo! I have a coupon and money. I should go to the store.”

Fiancé: “There goes that lazy.”

Me: “I should… but not GOING TO! The lazy still lives!

Fiancé: “Haha.”

Me: “To order, or not to order; that is the question. Whether tis nobler to gain sustenance via delivery, or to suffer the pangs of hunger until 5 pm. For what is hunger, if not the pain of want? Ah, that’s the rub. If I order now, I will not be able to eat with thee later. Woe is me… decisions, decisions. F*** it. I’m having cereal.”

*snort, cough*

from Not Always Romantic

To Have And To Hold (Really Hard)
Government | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Dating, Long Distance

(I’m visiting both my long distance boyfriend, and my best friend who is getting married. My boyfriend and I had the weekend together, and as it’s the first chance we’ve had to be intimate we were a bit… overzealous. He goes to classes and I’m at the town hall with my friend and her fiancé to pick up their marriage license. To do this we have to go through security, and I’ve set off the metal detector.)

Security Guard: *while waving the wand over me* “So… what kind of vacuum cleaner do you own?”

Me: “Huh?”

Security Guard: *smirks*

Friend’s Fiancé: *laughing* “It’s a Hoover!”

(The guard laughs and we go through, but I’m still confused.)

Me: “What was that all about?”

Friend: “Have you seen your neck? You look like you were strangled!”

(I had forgotten about the hickeys all over my neck. I make them stop on the way home so I can buy a scarf!)
  Mahahaha!

Ahh, these are just too good!
From Not Always Romantic.  People's relationships can be so interesting...

They Make No Bones About It
Convenience Store | Lafeyette, LA, USA | Dating

(My boyfriend and I have gone to pick up some laundry detergent. Despite being early September, there are already Halloween decorations on display all throughout the store, including some life-size skeletons. My boyfriend heads straight for the detergent, but I linger in front of the skeletons for a minute before catching up to him.)

Me: “We should get one of those skeletons, and dress it up for EVERY holiday.”

Boyfriend: *stunned* “Oh, my god… that would be f****** AWESOME. I love you. I love you SO much!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loving Snipes At Each Other
home | WA, USA | Dating

Me: “I missed you!”

Boyfriend: “I missed you, too!”

Me: “Hire a better sniper next time!”


From Not Always Related:

I thought our members here would especially get a kick out of this kid:

A Fairy Tale: No Pun Intended
Home | Plattsburgh, NY, USA | LGTBQ, Siblings, Top

(I am transgender, female-to-male. I have already transitioned at my high school several months ago, and have recently come out to my extremely religious and homo/transphobic parents. My younger siblings, however, are extremely supportive, since they all like me reasonably well already, and my parents haven’t had time to tell them how evil transgendered people are yet. I’m trying to explain the situation to them in a way that doesn’t step on my parents’ toes too much, but also is the truth, since I never lie to my younger siblings about anything.)


Me: “It’s actually pretty simple. I’m just a boy, that’s all. I feel like a boy, and I’m more comfortable being a boy and having other people talk to me like I’m a boy. I just don’t have a body that looks like most boys’ bodies.”

Sister: “I bet Mom hates that though.”

Me: “Well, yeah, but—”

Sister: “That’s because Mom doesn’t believe in fairy tales. Well, she believes in the fake ones that are all sweet and airy-fairy, but not the ones that are…” *she puts her hands up in a monster pose* “DARK and REAL!”

Me: “That is the best way to say it, ever.”

(That is exactly the way that I’ve thought of the differences between my parents and me ever since!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This one is because I so love non-judgmental people with compassion for things they don't necessarily understand:

The Hand That Shook The World
Store | CA, USA | Children

(I am shopping, and I pass by a mom and her eight-year-old son. The mom smiles at me.)

Mom: “Hi!”

Me: *smiling* “Hi!”

(I keep walking, and realize after a moment the boy is keeping pace with me. He holds out his hand.)


Son: “Can I shake your hand?”

Me: “Sure you can shake my hand! I love shaking hands!”

(We shake hands. He smiles at me and walks off. His mom comes up.)


Mom: “Thank you! My son is autistic, and wants to greet everyone with a hand shake. To improve his verbal skills, I’ve encouraged him to ask people if he can shake their hand.”

(The mom seems truly surprised that I was so pleasant about the whole exchange, and that I’d talked to him and smiled and was very friendly. The thing that gets me, is how many people must react to this little boy wanting to shake their hand in a negative manner, to have the mom thankful that I was okay with it? It saddens me to think that this was obviously a relief and a surprise, and not the norm. As I walk off, I hear the son.)


Son: “Mom… can we get this for Anthony?”

(The mom is beaming because he is communicating, and has asked for something for a sibling. Good luck to you and your son, ma’am. May more people greet your son with a smile and out-stretched hand so he can improve his verbal skills! The pleasure on his face from a handshake and a hello made me smile!)

from Not Always Right

Although He Uses A Lot Of Ranch
Grocery Store | Syracuse, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Themed Giveaway

(There is a customer coming through my line that is wearing cowboy clothing complete with 10-gallon hat, shiny belt buckle, and cowboy boots. There is another customer with a young boy standing behind them. I watch as the boy yanks on his mother’s skirt and points to the man in front.)

Young Boy: “Excuse me, sir; are you a REAL cowboy?”

Customer: *in a thick Texas drawl* “Why yes little man I am, but I only got to be a real cowboy because I ate all my vegetables and listened to my mother.”

(The customer then tips his hat to the mother and leaves. The boy does nothing but gush about his cowboy experience.)

Young Boy: “Mom! Go get more vegetables!”



The First And True Language Of America
Grocery Store | Santa Fe, NM, USA | Bigotry, History, Language & Words

(I’m waiting in line behind a woman speaking on her cellphone in another language. Ahead of her is a white man. After the woman hangs up, he speaks up.)

Man: “I didn’t want to say anything while you were on the phone, but you’re in America now. You need to speak English.”

Woman: “Excuse me?”

Man: *very slow* “If you want to speak Mexican, go back to Mexico. In America, we speak English.”


Woman: “Sir, I was speaking Navajo. If you want to speak English, go back to England.”

from Not Always Romantic

Relationship Superheroes
Text/Chat/Email | USA | Themed Giveaway, Young Love

(I am chatting with an internet friend I have met through forums for a video game we both like. She is in her teens, while I am in my late twenties.)

Me: “Yeah, I’m really more of a casual gamer. I play things every once in a while, but I mostly stick to The Sims and iPad games. Not my husband, though; he’s hard-core. When a Steam sale starts, he just sits in his office, like click-click-click-click.”  


Friend: “Man, I hope I can find a guy like him someday. The only guys I know who are into video games are my friends, and they’re never interested in me romantically.”

Me: “Really? Maybe they like you and you don’t know it.”

Friend: “No, they talk about girls to me all the time. They’re always crushing on the really girly-girls or cheerleaders or popular girls or skanks; I’m not even on their radars.”

Me: “Give it time, hon. Because eventually, they’ll date girls like that and realize they have nothing in common with them. Then by the time they realize what they missed out on, you’ve found a guy who can appreciate a girl’s geeky side, and they realize their mistakes. And if they don’t figure that out, then they’re not smart enough for you anyway.”

Friend: “You think so?”

Me: “I know so. I used to think I’d never find a guy who loved me for me, but then I met my hubby. Now we watch sci-fi and play video games and go the cons together, and it’s awesome. He’s my best friend.”

Friend: “That’s so romantic. You guys sound perfect.”

Me: “Well, nobody’s perfect. We have our issues, too.”

Friend: “Like?”

Me: “I’m Marvel , he’s DC.  ”

Friend: “Ouch.”

Me: “Yeah. But we work through it.”

from Not Always Related, another comics-related story:

Hulk Mash!
Home | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Children, Nephews & Nieces

(I am at my sister’s house, meeting my five-month-old niece for the first time. My sister, her boyfriend and I are talking about superheroes, whilst feeding my niece some mushed peas.)

Me: “I prefer Marvel heroes. Iron Man and the Hulk are my favourite!”

Sister’s Boyfriend: “I totally agree!”

Sister: “No way! DC heroes are way better! BATMAN FOREVER!”

(We then proceed to get into a heated debate about which superhero is the best, and stop paying much attention to my niece.)

Sister: “I’m telling you, Batman is t—”

Niece: “HULK!”

(We look over, and my niece has rubbed the pea mixture all over herself and has both arms raised above her head in triumph.)

Sister: “Oh my God!”

Sister’s Boyfriend & I: *stand and applaud*

This... is... AWESOME!

Puts His Own Spin On It
College & University | MO, USA | Art/Design, Students, Teachers

(I’m in the printmaking studio with friends, and it’s near the end of the semester. Most of our projects are finished, so we’re helping the professor to clean the studio and preparing for the break.)

Student #1: “Are you almost done cleaning the etching press?”

Student #2: “Yeah, why?”

Student #1: “Well, it just occurred to me that you’re shorter than the hand wheel on that press.”

Student #2: “Yeah, and?”

Me: “I think I like where this is going.”

Professor: “I KNOW I like where this is going.”

Student #1: “Do you get motion sick easily?”

Student #2: “Not really, what are you planning?”

Professor: “I think [Student #1] is proposing that we tie you to the wheel and give you a spin.”

Student #2: “HELL yes! Let’s do it!”

(We tie [Student #2] to the wheel using cleaning rags on her ankles, while she holds on to the other side with her hands. [Student #1] and another friend then spin the wheel around while the professor and I fling wet cleaning sponges at her from across the room. We have no idea, but a tour group of prospective students are on their way up, led by the department chair.)

Student #2: “Oh God! I think I might puke. FASTER!”

Professor: “You heard her, boys! Get that press spinning!”

Department Chair: “…we have the printmaking studio! This is the largest studio space in the building and includes two etching presses, two lithography presses, and…”

(The tour group comes in to see us slapping our friend with the sponges while she hangs up-side-down laughing. The tour looks horrified, but the head of the department doesn’t miss a beat.)

Department Chair: “…and various medieval torture devices. And to continue our tour, we’ll now move on to the true horror of the fine-arts building, the sculpture studio. Wait until you see what they do in there…”

Retired & Extremely Dangerous, Part 2
Supermarket | Birmingham, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

(My dad and I have just checked out at the supermarket. There are two elderly ladies pushing shopping carts in front of us. They are walking slowly towards the exit. Another customer is walking behind them with her son, who looks about 20. The son is obviously annoyed at the fact that he cannot get past the ladies walking so slowly. He speaks loud enough so that the whole shop can hear him.)

Son: “God, these old people! Always getting in the way. They are useless. They should be locked up so they can’t get in normal people’s way.”

(The son’s mum doesn’t say anything to him, but I can see that my dad is getting angry.)

Son: “They don’t deserve pensions. Let them work until they drop! They probably retired when they were 45 and are leeching off the government.”

(My dad taps the son on the shoulder.)

Dad: “You’re making a scene and upsetting those ladies. Calm it down, would you?”

Son: “They probably can’t even hear me. They’re all deaf anyway. Coffin dodgers! Why do you care if they even hear me?”

Dad: “First, I’m 67 and have worked since I was 16 years old up until my retirement two weeks ago. Second, my parents taught me to respect my elders; something your mother obviously didn’t bother to do, considering I’m giving you the verbal battering she should be. And it’s not those women who should be locked up; it’s misinformed, loud idiots like you.”

(By now the whole supermarket has stopped and is looking over at my dad.)

Dad: “As for leeching off the government: I get a pension, the same as those ladies and thousands of other elderly people do and it’s just over the minimum wage. Sometimes I have to decide between heating my house and eating food! You wait until you get older and retire and see how it feels then to be treated like a second class citizen by obnoxious, mouthy trash!”

(Throughout this whole thing the son has looked shocked. Finally his mother speaks up.)

Mum: “You’re right, totally right. It shouldn’t take a stranger to tell my son his behaviour is terrible.” *to her son* “I am completely ashamed of you. You know nothing about hardship considering you are claiming unemployment money and living rent free in my house. Now apologise to those ladies and to this gentleman.”

(The son says sorry, grudgingly, to all three.)

Mum: “And you see all this food and those DVDs that you wanted and I paid for just now? Well, you won’t get one piece of it.”

(The mum unloads all the food into the old ladies carts and gives the DVDs and a large piece of meat to my dad.)

Mum: “I hope this goes some way to making you feel valued and appreciated.”

(They walk out and the supermarket is silent for a moment. Then one of the old ladies starts to applaud and so does the rest of the customers and staff. The next time my dad went in to get his shopping they gave him £100 worth of coupons, and now all the staff know him.)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I say "Hooray!"

I love it... Good parenting DOES still exist!

From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 5
Restaurant | Champaign, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids
(
A man and his four children are in the booth next to my family. I am four years old and am sitting next to my younger brothers. We are all quietly coloring at the table. The children at the next booth are climbing on top of the booth and playing with my father’s hat, throwing food, and running around the entire restaurant.)

Waiter: “Sir, your children are bothering other customers. They need to calm down, or you will have to leave.”

Other Dad: “They’re fine. They’re just running off some energy.”

(The waiter is called away to another table. The kids begin raising another ruckus. They are just getting to an unbearable level when a carrot lands on our table.)

Me: *sets crayon down* “Daddy, may I get up?”

My Dad: “Um, okay…”

(I march to the next table and assume an assertive stance with fists on hips.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir. You really need to learn how to control your children.”

(I get back in my seat and resume coloring. The other dad turns bright red. He gathers his kids and hurries out of the restaurant just as their food arrives. Later, my parents ask for the check.)

Waiter: “Actually, sir, even if this meal wasn’t on the house, almost every other customer asked to cover your check for you.”

(20 years later, my mom still calls this her proudest parenting moment. We even got a $50 gift certificate out of it!)

Some awesome additions on the Not Always websites today!

A Debtor Way To Deal With Them
Customer Service | Dallas, TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Employees

(For months I received calls from a bill collector while at work, asking for a man who has never worked at the office. My company filed several complaints with the FCC but the calls still kept coming. I got permission from my boss to mess with the caller the next time they rang in. We had caller ID at the time, so I knew it was the bill collector before picking up the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling ‘Glitzy Coffins,’ where we stylize your loved ones straight to the grave.”

Collector: “Um… Is [Name] there?”

Me: “Let me check with the back and see if he has been sent to embalming. One moment, please.”

Collector: *click*

(10 minutes later, the phone rings again from the same number.)

Me: “Doctor Z’s purification clinic, zapping away herpes since 1992. How can I help you?”

Collector: “Is [Name] available?”

Me: “Do you have an appointment?”

Collector: “No. I need to speak with him regarding an urgent matter.”

Me: “I can’t help if you don’t have an appointment. Now what genital disease is causing your trouble? Our physicians are not only qualified, they are ordained by the lord to save your soul from your sinful ways.”

Collector: *hangs up*

(Another 10 minutes later.)

Me: “Quack.”

Collector: “Is [Name] available?”

Me: “Quack.”

Collector: “I need to speak with him regarding an urgent matter.”

Me: “Quack.”

Collector: “Is he available or not?”

Me: “Quack.”

Collector: “Don’t be a b****. Is he there? I must speak with him.”

Me: “Quack.”

Collector: “Look! Give me [Name] now or you’ll be in trouble!”

Me: “Quack.”

Collector: *throws out a string of profanities for a few minutes, threatening to sue me if I don’t put the man he’s contacting on the phone* “So, what do you have to say?”

Me: “…Quack.”

Collector: *click*

(At this point, I’ve coerced a few coworkers to join in on the fun since the calls were still coming in. Five minutes later…)

Coworker #1: “Dude.” *snickers* “I’m so high right now!”

Collector: *click*

(10 minutes later…)

Me: “D*** it Regina! Get yo a** back on the street. Pimp needs his mother-f****** money!”

Coworker #1: “I’m sorry, daddy!”

Me: “D*** right, b****!” *to phone* “Yeah?”

Collector: *click*

(10 minutes later…)

Coworker #2: “Hey. This is Darnell and you’re calling Bros for Hoes. What chocolatey confection can I serve you up with today?”

Collector: “F***!” *slams the phone down*

(They stopped calling after that.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hopefully The Next Supply Will Live Long And Prosper
Grocery Store | FL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Geeks Rule

(I work in the deli section of my store. Lately we have been having trouble getting supplies in stock.)

Me: “Where are all the trash bags?”

Coworker: “We don’t have any.”

Me: “Are you serious? Again?!”

Coworker: “Yup.”

Me: “I’m going to head over to bakery and see if they have any.”

Coworker: “Not gonna work.”

Me: “Why not?”

Coworker: “[Baker] is working today. You know how he is. He never helps anybody out.”

Me: “I know how to handle him. Trust me.”

(The baker who’s working today happens to be a huge ‘Star Trek’ fan. I head over to the bakery and don’t see him as I proceed to grab a few trash bags, but then he shows up as I’m about to leave.)

Baker: “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Me: “Getting bags.”

Baker: “No, you’re not. Put them back.”

Me: “We have zero bags at the deli.”

Baker: “Well, I have almost zero bags here. I can’t let you have any.”

Me: *deadpan, holding up a Vulcan salute* “It is only logical. The needs of the deli outweigh the needs of the few.”

(A few seconds pass.)

Baker: “HA HA! All right, all right. Take your stinkin’ bags.”

(I can still hear him cracking up as I walk away.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This Day Has Gone Down The Tubes
Secondary School | UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Students, Teachers

(It’s April Fool’s day. My wood-work teacher finds it fit to prank a student.)

Wood-Work Teacher: “[Student], can you fetch me a fallopian tube from [Math Teacher]?”

Student: “Sure thing.”

(The student leaves the class, and is gone for about 10 minutes, and returns looking embarrassed and annoyed.)

Wood-Work Teacher: “What did [Math Teacher] say?”

Student: “She sent me to [Textiles Teacher], then she told me to go to [Media Teacher], and then I got sent to [Science Teacher].”

Wood-Work Teacher: “And he told you what it was?”

Student: “Yeah…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New Meaning To Gender Displacement
High School | Williamsburg, VA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Health & Body, Love/Romance, Students

(I cut my hair really short because I am super self-conscious about my looks. I also have no interest in dating so it is a great way to keep guys from being interested. I am talking with my friends.)

Me: *feeling uncomfortable* “That group of girls has been following me almost all week! What is their problem?!”

Friend: “I dunno. I’ll go find out.”

(He wanders over to the group of girls while I try to talk to the rest of my friends about some school project. My friend returns, barely able to walk from laughing so hard and throws his arm around my shoulders.)

Friend: *trying to stop his laughing* “So, [My Name], you see that group of lovely ladies?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Friend: “And do you see how they giggle as you look their way?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Friend: “Those lovely ladies are wanting to ask you out.”

Me: *confused* “So… they are lesbians?”

Friend: *laughing harder* “THEY THINK YOU’RE A GUY!”

Me: *staring blankly before grinning evilly* “Oh, really? I think I can solve that!”

(The next day I arrive at school wearing a full length trench coat that covers all of my body. My friends are curious but say nothing. I overhear the group of girls.)

Girl #1: “Oh My God! Look at how hot he looks!”

Girl #2: “I never thought I would like a bad boy, but he’s so hot in that black leather!”
(
I unzip my coat and let it drop to the floor revealing a black mini skirt, fishnet stockings, knee-high leather boots, and a skin-tight black shirt that shows off that I have curves. The group of girls gasp in unison.)

Friend: “Oh, sweet mother of god.”

Girl #1: “OH MY GOD! HE’S A GIRL!”

(The group of girls scream and run for the girls’ restroom.)

Friend: “Thatwas the most glorious thing I have ever seen.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and from the brand new http://notalwaysfriendly.com/

They’d Had A Friendship Of Note
High School | Wiltshire, England, UK | Bully, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Language & Words

(I am 14 years old, when I have a huge bust up with one of my best friends. At the end of the day, I am passed a note from her. I wait until I get home to read it…)

Note: “Your a total b****! I hate you! Your going to be beatun up!”

(Upon reading it, all I can do is laugh. My dad overhears me and asks to see it; afterwards, he gives me some “advice” which I follow: the next day at school, I walk up to my ex-best friend, hand her the note back and walk off, smiling and calm. She opens it and starts screaming. I had corrected all her spelling and grammar mistakes in red pen!)

I love this... everyone could learn something from this story

Not A Hair Out Of Place
Car Rental | Austin, TX, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body
(I work as a driver for a car rental office. I pick up customers from their homes, or from the local service centers and body shops, and return them to the same locations when they return the car. I am male and have worn my hair long for nearly ten years. During this trip, I am returning a customer home. His head is shaved. After making small talk for a few minutes, he asks a question.)

Customer: “So, why do you have your hair like that? You look like a f****** f**.”

Me: “Well, sir. I’ve been blessed with the ability to grow thick, healthy hair, so I grow it out, and once a year I cut it off and donate it to ‘Locks Of Love.’ They take it and make wigs for kids with cancer, who DON’T have the ability to grow their hair anymore thanks to chemo.”

(There is silence in the car for a few minutes.)

Customer: “Hey, I’m sorry about before. I actually lost my son to cancer a couple years ago. I shaved my head to match his, and I keep it shaved to remember him…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This one is just sad, I don't understand why the need to bully... and I love the customer's reaction!  Bravo!

Delay Reaction
Grocery Store | Kansas City, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bosses & Owners

(My mom and I are in line at the checkout. The manager walks over and tells the cashier it is time for her to go home after she is done helping us. We chose this register because my mom really likes this particular cashier.)

Me: “So, you get to go home early tonight? That must be nice.”

Cashier: *quietly, so the manager, now standing by door, does not hear* “It would be if it only happened once in a while. He’s cut me at least fifteen minutes early every shift for over two weeks.”

Mom: “We can be really difficult so you’ll have to stay and help us.” *louder, so manager can hear* “[My Name], is that the price you remember seeing for [item]? I was sure it was less than that.”

Me: *catching on* “It must have been. I think we need a price check.”

Mom: *after price check confirms item is right price* “Oh, and could you please slow down on the bagging? I don’t want anything smashed or broken.”

(My mom continues to delay, insisting the cashier stop several times to read the total to her or double check something. Then, she pretends she cannot find her debit card and takes her time entering her PIN.)

Mom: “Has it been long enough yet?”

Cashier: “I think so. Thank you.”

Me: “Okay, mama. I think we should go now.”

(We walk toward the door, and my mom turns back toward the cashier.)

Mom: “Thank you, ma’am! You were so helpful!”


Me: *smiling at manager* “Good night!”

Awww~

The Best Ones Take A While To Blossom
Flower Shop | USA | Flirting/How We Met

(A man has been visiting my flower shop every day for the past few weeks, and buying random flowers each time. I catch on quickly and start to flirt with him, but he is very shy and becomes quickly flustered. One day he comes in as usual, and we chat for a while.)

Me: *playfully* “Now, are you going to buy any flowers or do I have to kick you out to make room for real customers?”

Man: “Oh! Uh…”
(He turns red and looks around at the flowers. I pick out a couple of peonies.)

Me: “Here, buy these. You can give them to me when you pick me up for dinner tonight, around 6:30?”

Man: “O-Okay.”

This year is our 20th wedding anniversary and our daughter just turned 17. Of course, there is always a vase of peonies in our home!)

Just Crushed Her Saga
Bank, Call Center | USA | Money, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. My name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, ma’am. I do believe there’s a fraudulent charge on my account.”

Me: “Oh, no! Let’s see what we can do. Which item is fraudulent?”

Customer: “The $29.99 charge on January ninth.”

(I scroll down to the charge and then I notice the woman’s account is completely over-run with $0.99 charges to Google. When people get customer debit card numbers, they often make small purchases so they customer won’t notice, but this is completely insane.)

Me: *ignoring the Google charges for the time being* “Okay, I see the $29.99 charge. Do you want me to file a dispute on this item?”

Customer: “Oh! Oh, now wait, honey. I know what it is. I forgot I ordered that purse from the TV.” *laughs* “Never mind. I didn’t mean to waste your time! Thank you so much!”

Me: “Wait, ma’am, hold on. I’m glad you figured out that charge was legitimate, but I do need to ask you… Um, are you aware there are multiple small transactions to Google on your account? I mean, they go all the way back for at least three months. I’m seeing so many I can’t count them all!”

Customer: “Oh, honey, I know. My husband tells me I need to stop!”

Me: “Stop, ma’am? Stop what?”

Customer: “Oh, you know. Ain’t you ever felt so swag you just had to play Candy Crush at three am?”

Me: *blink* “No, ma’am. Can’t say that I have.”

Customer: “Oh, I just get so mad. I just gotta beat that level!”

Me: *laughs* “Well, hey, we all gotta unwind somehow!”

Customer: “How much I spent on Candy Crush anyhow? $50?”

Me: *tallying it all up* “Um… it looks like approximately $767.87 in three months.”

(There is a prolonged silence.)

Customer: “HOW MUCH!?”

Me: “$767.87, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh honey, don’t you tell my husband. He already mad at me as it is. Oh well! Thanks, baby, you have a great night!”

(The customer had well over $15,000 in her regular checking account so I suppose she wasn’t missing it too badly!)
__________________________________________

Genki's comment:
Holy COW!  No wonder the gaming companies all want to get in on F2P's!!