So I was listening to the radio on the way home, and they started talking about Haribo Sugar-free Gummy Bears. They started reading off some customer testimonials on Amazon that had me driving with tears in my eyes. Not quite rolling down my cheeks, but close!
When I got home I had to look it up and see for myself... and it's all true!
Here's what I heard (and found when I looked it up!)
Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag <-- link to Amazon.com's purchase page
First of all, listed under Important Information about the product:
Safety Warning
Consumption of some sugar-free candies may cause stomach discomfort and/or a laxative effect. Individual tolerance will vary. If this is the first time you’ve tried these candies, we recommend beginning with one-fourth of a serving size or less. Made with Lycasin, a sugar alcohol. As with other sugar alcohols, people sensitive to this substance may experience upset stomachs.
and now, a couple of the testimonials:
When I got home I had to look it up and see for myself... and it's all true!
Here's what I heard (and found when I looked it up!)
Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag <-- link to Amazon.com's purchase page
First of all, listed under Important Information about the product:
Safety Warning
Consumption of some sugar-free candies may cause stomach discomfort and/or a laxative effect. Individual tolerance will vary. If this is the first time you’ve tried these candies, we recommend beginning with one-fourth of a serving size or less. Made with Lycasin, a sugar alcohol. As with other sugar alcohols, people sensitive to this substance may experience upset stomachs.
and now, a couple of the testimonials:
C. Torok wrote:Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate.
Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!
First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.
BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.
Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.
But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.
AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.
I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.
I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.
Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.
Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.
If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.
Michael Beattie wrote:If someone has done you wrong it is the perfect gift.
Pop a few suckers in your mouth and let the fun begin!! If you want to renovate your home by removing a few walls this is the candy for you. Eat 10 and aim your butt on the wall you want gone, Remove pants and wait 5 minutes. I promise you the wall will be blown down to the studs. Eat 10 more and the studs will be gone too.
For clogged sinks forget calling the plumber!! Consume some and sit in the sink. PRESTO clog will be gone!! No plunger needed.
If your partner refuses to buy new furniture give him a few and lock the bathroom door. He will be at Rooms To Go in a matter of seconds.
Also works well for power-washing jobs and cleaning gutters.